What you are feeling has a name few people know. It is called anticipatory grief. There are many feelings with this type of “pre grief”. You have conflicting thoughts and the future, present and past get mixed up. If your pet has been slowly failing you may feel so strange about each day. You may feel dizzy with so many feelings seeming to fight against one another. You may wish for your pet to just die so that you can get some relief. You may feel guilty that you feel that way. You may wish for your pet to die so they won’t suffer anymore. You may feel guilty for feeling that way as well because you know the time remaining is precious and that these emotions are getting in the way of enjoying what time is left. You may keep your feelings to yourself because of the social stigma of being upset over “just an animal” or you may keep your feelings to yourself because your pet is still living. Carrying all these feelings is toxic. The more you talk to people about what your feeling the lighter the shared burden becomes. There are lots of resources. The only failure is not reaching out.